Wednesday, June 1, 2011

30 Things About Me

1. My full name is Araena (pronounced A RAE NA) Eva Sanchez

2. I was named after my great-grandmother ‘Eva’. I appreciate all that I have learned from her. I also carry a tremendous sadness that the relationship we both shared while she was alive was neither a pleasant nor a very happy one.

3. My birthday is April 21, 1976, and I am a very stubborn Taurus!

4. No one ever believes me when I tell them my real age is 35. At times, this can be quite annoying. I am often treated like some punk- assed stupid kid by adults who are usually younger than me, but look old and used.

5. I really love frogs! They are my most favorite animal, especially Tree Frogs.

6. Blue is my favorite color.

7. I love to write music, poetry, stories, and anything else that will fuck with your head, or tickle your fancy!

9. My mother is Black (African American). My father is from Puerto Rico and came to the U.S as a young boy. I am very proud to be a 'Mixed Race Girl'!

10. I feel embarrassed that ‘Yo Hablo Espanol un pequito’ (I speak a little bit of Spanish).

11. My mother is gay. I was introduced to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Community while I was still in the womb!

12. I have officially declared myself Pescetarian. (Pesce means fish). I do not eat anything with fur, four legs, or feathers. I eat lots of veggies, fruit, and things that can swim…and yes, that does include sea roaches, bottom feeders, and scavengers.

13. When I was little my favorite doll was The Incredible Hulk.

14. From 7th grade until 9th grade I was bullied by a girl that was about 300lbs. She reminded me of a gigantic ‘Chunky’  bar, loaded with nuts and raisins. 9th grade was when I finally grew some balls and said “Fuck you, I’m taking a fucking bite you big assed bitch!” She never fucked with me again.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Mommy's Little Monster

There are many special moments when Twiggy is not wolfing out that have become treasures of my heart. There was this touching moment we both shared while I was helping her with her home-work yesterday.(Yes, six year olds do homework these days!) 

Although it has been almost a year since my last performance,  I still have some 'Araena' merchandise left over to sell and/ or give away. Twiggy just so happened to find one of my pins and was really happy about this.

She picked up the pin and slowly examined it as if  it once belonged to the royal monster Lady GaGa, but it wasn't Lady GaGa's pin. It was mine. I am just mommy.

Twiggy smiled her sweetest smile with her big buggy brown eyes and said, "Mom, can I have this?" I lit up in a fuzzy way that I have never lit up before. 

"You really want it?" I asked.  Twiggy then replied "I want to keep it so you'll be with me all the time". 

In her eyes I am her Lady Gaga plus way more. No matter what, Twiggy will always be Mommy's Little Monster.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Interview with Twiggy

This is the latest interview with my daughter Twiggy.  She has been quite fascinated with my little pocket hand held tape recorder lately. This is how the interview went:
Me:    What’s your name?

Twiggy:    Twiggy

Me:    And what’s your favorite color?

Twiggy:    Pink and purple

Me:    how old are you?

Twiggy:    Six …in a month

Me:   (laughs) You’re not six in a month, you just turned six! When’s your birthday?

Twiggy:     March 13th

Me:    What’s your zodiac sign? (I whisper to her ‘Pisces’)

Twiggy:    Pisces!

Me:    What kind of music do you like to listen to? Name some groups.

Twiggy:    Rock!

Me:    What kind of rock?

Twiggy:    Joan Jett, Lady Gaga

Me:    Lady Gaga is Pop

Twiggy:    So! (smiles)

Me:    Name some Rock

Twiggy:    Joan Jett, The Clash

Me:    Good one! They’re Punk Rock!  What else?

Twiggy:    David Funk! (giggles)

Me:    David Funk? (more silly giggles)  David who?

Twiggy:    David Punk! 

Me:    David Punk? Wrong answer! (we are really giggling now!)

Twiggy:    My favorite Barbie movie is Barbie Diary. Are you recording? I wanna hear it!

Me:    What other kinds of music do you like?  You mentioned Lady GaGa, she’s very cool.

Twiggy:  I like Pop…

Me:    You like a lot of cool stuff

Twiggy:    What about Daft Punk?

Me:    Daft punk is very cool!    And what kind of movies do you like to watch?

Twiggy:    I like Barbie!  I like Pee-Wee’s Playhouse!

Me:    That’s a really cool show! What kind of movies do you like?

Twiggy:    Diary of a Wimpy kid

Me:   That was good …it was really funny!

Twiggy:    Yeah, it was so funny.  The girl sat on his head!  That was the funny part!  (giggles)  The girl beat him up in Kindergarten! And my favorite Barbie is Mariposa.

Me: What kinds of things do you like to do besides play with Barbie?

Twiggy:  I like games! Candy Land, Catch the Mouse, and uhhhh… I like baking.

Me:    What do you like to bake?

Twiggy:    Make it Bake it!

Me:  Make it Bake it is fun!

Twiggy:   Can we do Make it Bake it for Family night tonight?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

copyright 2010

Loveliness fleeting
Far and few between the beats
Of warm hearts gone mad

Melt in the Abyss
Lovely sounds come to possess
From far away depths

Yeah, it's just that deep!
Loveliness skipping the streets
Don't mess with my head

Not everlasting
Contagiously wild by fire
Warm hearts stop beating

Monday, May 23, 2011

Wrecking Havoc

For two months now I have been on the upside of this stupid Bi Polar thing-a-ma-jiggy. I am totally Manic. My thoughts are almost lightning speed, and there are thousands of them flooding my brain all at once. Ideas, all of them scrambled, fragmented, coded, overwhelming. I cannot seem to keep up. My heart keeps beating and I feel like the Energizer Bunny...I keep going and going and going. So much energy yet I am exhausted.

Although I am on the upside, my moods are still shifting, constantly in flux, often mixed and jumbled. The darkness seems to be taking a break for a while working on it's plan of attack, squeezing in push-up here and there.

My level of creativity and productiveness are in full swing, but due to current circumstances, I have both limited room and time to fully extend my wings. I still have yet to see what my wings even look like and I am more than eager to find out. This is so frustrating.

It feels quite refreshing to be more in the moment, finding the little things that really tickle my fancy, being able to create some moments to take it all in. So what does Mania feel like, really?

For me these days sometimes Mania feels like tiny little heart attacks.  It is incredibly intense and difficult to describe. The bursts of energy are almost cocaine-and-coffee-like, except I don't do blow or drink caffeine, not even soda. I feel nervous, excited, irritable, closed in, creative, motivated, focused, sometimes horny, both  energetic and exhausted, restless, impatient, on-the-go, organized, impulsive, overwhelmed. Everything is moving really fast. On top of all of this, I am having difficulty eating and my dreams have been insanely intense.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


I can't believe it has been almost five years since my last stay in a psychiatric hospital. Since then, the periodic whirlwinds of self destructive Bi Polar madness have continued to try and break me, yet somehow after slipping on my own guts, I have always managed to stuff them back in and sew myself up each and every time. I don't need my shrink to help sew me up, but it's nice that she keeps a first aid kit handy when she notices that I am dragging my guts on the floor!

A couple of questions I am frequently asked by various people are how have I been able to stay out of the hospital without traditional pharmaceutical treatments and medication, and why am I so against them?

The questions I brood upon even more frequently are how can I use something so paradoxical, and sometimes deadly to bring beauty, and hope into this world, or better yet in my own living room?  How can I  touch the hearts of many, or maybe even just one? I even wonder how am I going to be able to accomplish something that seems far-fetched and impossible? How can I beat this? Most importantly, do I believe that I can?
Then there are questions that not only seem to strike a nerve but jolts and singes them as well, leaving a scent like crisp burnt hair. Let's keep it real. How can someone as 'crazy' as I am raise a child to become a magnificent, capable person, someone better than me? I often wonder how am I ever going to pull this off? Can I help her see beyond Barbie? Can I seriously teach her to curb her own brand of 'Crazies'.

Twiggy is depending on me, her mother, to show her how to live and tap into her own happiness on this stupid-fucking-ball-of-dookie. How can someone like me possibly make a difference in her life? In any ones life? There is no doubt in my mind that I am absolutely, positively sure that I am crazy enough to try. The pressure is on like a ton of lead elephants.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My Darkside

araena copyright 2009

Why suddenly now, in bitterness I divide

Painted thoughts in black coincide

I used to be an angel, but now I’m just mystified

Duality will split and multiply

So many things, furlough the tragedies

Tickle me in a pink reality

Temptation gets the best of me, and a life of agony

Misery is the best company