Saturday, April 23, 2011

Love:  Heals everything

Death: Is a new beginning

Faith: Is brick by brick

Attitude: Can ignite or put out the fire

Enlightenment:  Wakes you up

Spirituality:  Quenches the souls thirst

Peace:  Brings order to chaos

Trust: Helps us let go

Laughter:  Is some seriously powerful medicine!


Monday, April 18, 2011

Suck My Left One

In the last 20 years that I have spent living with Bi Polar Disorder(well gee, I suppose that's putting it mildly) , people (friends, family, and yes even Doctors!)have given me all sorts of brainless, cruel, cold, seriously silly, simply stupid, and awesomely absurd advice. They were either making poor attempts to somehow make me feel better, or they would just put their foot or any other foreign object in my ass hoping to knock the "crazies" out of me. Sadly, their attempts have totally failed.

Here are my thoughts on some of my least favorite bits of advice  I have heard over the last 20 years. I have envisioned these bits of advice morphing into filthy little cockroaches, falling out of your mouth to the floor, each one kissing the bottoms of my boots, going out with a CRUNCH instead of a BANG. How's that for some food for thought?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Evil For Breakfast

(copyright 2010)

Youth's glee is mystic
Magic filled hearts and pixie
Dust filled eyes

Ebonites flicker
Like wings that flutter outside
The upstairs window

Catch the pure scent buzz
Organic and unprocessed
So magicaly grown

They tap on your brains
Disappear in secret realms
Whipped up in a flash

Heroes slap villains
Mutants take over and eat
Evil for breakfast

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Monsters Inside Me

They say I'm really crazy. I am simply Bi-Polar. I assure you that it is anything but simple. It is an illness just like any other, yet most people see it differently or they just don't acknowledge Bi-Polar as an illness at all but as a weakness, a cop-out, or even a seriously lame excuse for poor coping skills, poor decision making, and insanely bad behavior.

I was 12 years old when I realized that something just wasn't quite right. I was 15 when my brain seemed to just explode, landing me my very first 3 month stay in a psychiatric ward. Although I felt a sense of relief, I had entered into a world way more chaotic than Bi-Polar could ever be ( more stories for the near future). It was the first time I have ever spent my birthday away from home. Since then, this has truly been an uphill battle.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Skeletons

(copyright 2010)



The words all fell down
Escaped from my broken lips
Hungry and wanting

Bones piled up high
In heaps inside the closet
Secrets so tainted

Lies, all watered down
Twitching like fish on pavement
Screaming in the heat

"SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR!"
I can never let them out
Secrets to the grave


Monday, April 4, 2011


Growing up, I had this dream of becoming a Rock Star, a Writer, and an extraordinary creative Artist. Never has this dream ever included a hectic life of fame, just simply one of balance: success doing what I love, spirituality, and happiness.
Today, I am on the brink of turning 35. I share my life with my beautiful daughter, 'Twiggy'. She is extremely funny, artistic, creative, imaginative, and a total fashionista! Her alter-ego is extremely strong willed, sometimes very difficult, and totally sassy! She is a six year old, rebellious, mini me. Her obsession with Lady Gaga is very similar to my obsession with Madonna when I was her age, it's mind-blowing.

Making the decision to pursue a career in music was indeed a tough one. It has left me extremely heart-broken, often torn between the music world and the 'Good Parent'one. In a nutshell, it is an incredibly nasty and seriously demanding business. Balancing motherhood and a musical career while maintaining some type of job in the 'working class world' has kicked my ass up down left right and frelling sideways, no doubt about it. The heat is on and my ass is totally on fire! I am not getting any younger. I have decided to put plan B into action. I am totally scared.

Does being a parent mean that my life is over? Not necessarily. It just means that my life has drastically changed. I grapple so much with accepting this new life every day, this constant struggle to create balance. I strive to be a dedicated, strict yet so loving mother in a world that I often find so strange, and struggle to live in. I struggle to find success as an artist.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mohawks Are Everywhere

Mohawks. Yes indeed, they seem to be everywhere I look these days. Within the last five years I myself have been guilty of wanting to once again, shave, chemically relax my natural tresses (and that's no lye!) and sport a modern day mo hawk. With every bit of mohawk temptation, I always decline.

Being the very cool age of 34 has nothing to do with maturity or some out grown rebellious phase. At this age, I have still vowed to never let my heart die, to always love the Bad Brains, and I am even more rebellious now than ever...I have just learned to pick my battles. 

I vividly remember being a freshman at Franklin high School, arriving with a brand spanking new pair of 10 holed Dr. Martins. I remember my best friend, who demanded that I call them 'Docs' because calling them by their full name was simply not cool. I also remember catching an earful of heat from those that simply did not understand why a  bi- racial, Black and Hispanic girl like me dared to come to school wearing combat boots. I had some nerve. By the end of the school year, it seemed like most of those who laughed at me had jumped on the bandwagon and were proudly wearing a pair of their own! I was not happy.

Later on, I began to experiment with my hair. In the 90's, more and more women of color would braid their tresses, adding extensions of synthetic or human hair. When I was 16, I wanted blue extensions and wore them proudly, in spite of the ridicule, later changing colors like pink, and purple. I lost a boyfriend due to my choice to wear bright blue braids. "You just want attention", he boldly stated. "You just want a boring, conservative girlfriend" I retorted as I stormed of, loving my blue braids even more.

Then age 19 just seemed to roll around. My first punk band was called Dehumanized. We were three Black and Hispanic musicians with a White drummer, adorned with mo hawks, liberty spikes, and various other homemade punk garb. We often ran the streets of New Brunswick, playing all ages shows, or partying.  Sometimes, people would yell "What's the f@#%'s wrong with you!" from their car windows. Throughout the day strangers who were bold or rude enough would ask "Why do you do this? Why do you dress like this? Are you a witch?", declaring my self expression as a phase, or simply calling me 'crazy' or a 'freak'.  All I can say is that I am, and always will be an artist. You only live once.  

Suddenly, rap tress Lil Kim began to wear wigs and weaves in an array of colors on what seemed like any video that appeared on MTV. More and more artists that were not Rock affiliated began sprouting up like dandelions, sporting little faux hawks and boldly colored tresses, all jumping on the band wagon. Now, they are everywhere, and having one just doesn't mean very much these days. 

Today, more and more females are going to salons to get a fresh 'Faux Hawk' cut, most of which have never even heard of the Bad Brains, or only dabble in Rock. Fashion trends seem to have such a way of saying "This is so cool! Jump on the band wagon here!" I can just picture a colossal sign in neon with an arrow pointing to a horse drawn wagon, with a line of monochromatic- copy- cats miles long.